Reaction

I was trying to figure out how i felt about everything that has happened in my life in the last little while. The problem is i have been so over whelmed by everything that has happened i haven't had the time nor will to analyze it all. The most prevalent emotion i have been consumed with is sadness. I lost (although be it through different means) two people who held the most important positions in my life and whom i loved and relied upon for support and guidance.
     My mothers death was expected, but no amount of expectation or preparation could eliminate the pain of a loss that great entirely. My former partner leaving me was a shock so large i found myself nearly shutting down entirely.
I had gone though many issues betwen us in the past, but we were suppose to be engaged, and i thought if i knew anything i knew that no matter what former partner would always be there for me, even if for whatever reason we were not together he would never leave me in a time of need. But there i found myself wanting to lean on someone who was not there, he would not even speak to me.
  Thats when i got confused and not able to understand where i stood in my own mind. I dont know where to go, how to get there or why i should even bother. I have always been able to push myself to get though something, always had the power to grab myself shake myself and get back on track . Maybe not the same track as before but at least it was a track. This time i dont even know where the hell the track went.  I miss my mother and my former partner and myself allot. but only one of those 3 people is ever going to help me.